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Fear to say " not " heart knot
From;    Author:Stand originally

Pieces the official with honest and kind humanness is small, it is very gentle it seems that, the appearance that did not trouble, one day he eventually to his friend complaint: I do not resemble “ what you think is so happy. I am a person that won't reject others, for fear that says to others ‘ can not harm others after ’ , often grant whatever is requested against one's will. I do not want to please others so, because very him grievance, but I am right ‘ not ’ says to be not exported again. The problem that does not know me really goes where, also do not know this how does ability convey him ” freelyingly.

Actually, have in the life too much like such pieces of small person, be immersed in the gregarious angst as him.

We who did not please the psychology of others? Everybody is in as a child flattery parents, please a companion, please a teacher, flattery is experiencing the gain of flattery in the relation such as authoritative character: Be praised, be taken seriously, be rewarded, be not censured, be not blamed, be not punished to wait a moment. This is a person when grow but, also be the person becomes what social person place needs.

Human medium flattery others has double meaning: It is manipulative, pass active flattery others namely and achieve oneself some kind of purpose; 2 be defence sex, manage affection alliance through pleasing others, avoid to establish attack target, obtain for oneself create an environment loosely. So, flattery others is having its positive effect. Beyond the mark “ pleases ” to be able to bring boundless trouble to the person again, with respect to small like officeholder Zhang Na appearance has suffering to say to be not exported, in him must the backside conceal of “ flattery ” is worn conflict of a kind of heart, existing the insecurity of human association.

Judge the psychological maturity in person socialization, should see you whether say “ freelyingly to others not ” , whether active demand others helps him, whether bear the rejection of others.

Can say “ not ” and can accept be rejected, need self-confidence and courage.

Won't reject to also cannot freely the ground raises a requirement, be afraid of the mentation that is rejected by others again, “ is called on psychology by refus sensitive ” . Such person its are human the relationship has been held out it seems that, he always helps a person enthusiasticly, public praise is good, others likes to look for his “ to bother ” , but only oneself swallow inner bitter water. This is the gregarious angst of ” of typical “ shabby-genteel have a hell of life.

Fear to say “ not the psychology of ” , be a kind with oneself subjective the psychology that will see others for chief source is projectile. Because say “ not ” may not can harm others, it is him heart is overcome to be rejected substantially, think so (outside projectile) others is overcome to refuse and dare not reject others. Be afraid of say “ not the inner complex of ” basically comes from the following respect:
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