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Fear to say " not " heart knot
From;    Author:Stand originally

1, massiness and flimsy self-respect. Overweight self-respect comes from Oriental philosophy edify, chinese Buddha, Confucianism, Taoist school culture is to have intention of massiness shame feeling, be like 3 key link of “ 5 constant ”“ of have no sense of shame of ”“ bold-faced ”“ knows shame close to brave ” (Confucius) , “ does not have ashamed heart, impersonal also ” (Mencius) wait for culture, caused Chinese height to take the “ that be an upright person seriously ” of formal, solar term, height takes “ face ” of the person seriously, these culture are affecting generation deeply the thought of another acting person and psychology. And modern society is very exquisite still of ” of “ face project. Can say “ person is living a piece of face, the tree is vivid the collective that one Zhang Pi ” is a Chinese is involuntary complex. The only meaning of ” of face of the “ in Chinese culture is: I in other eye, namely you do everything to want to scruple face, do creditably, cannot let others rearward stamp your backbone, you must scruple oneself act effect to other, and other people is right oneself view. This is the human behavior standard that culture place forms, it is proud need of the person substantially.

It is shame feeling culture only to some people character, formed the chains that manacles his heart, perhaps say, some people because individual character cowardly, heart is self-abased and in the culture environment that stresses reputation in very not free, suffer human angst torment fully. This kind of person is to live in the impression of others, its self concept is to build what go up in other evaluation, its individual character decided he is when human association, meeting height pays close attention to the behavior reaction of other, include the requirement of other. If he was cared about,fastened support of the people to satisfy others, natural meeting obtains the good opinion of others, the evaluation of good manner become reconciled, oneself are taken seriously with respect to meeting feeling, feel oneself are done very rightly, very successful feeling!

This kind of self-approval comes at the person with certain other people, be cannot give before other negative, fear to speak “ namely not of ” . Because deny to others, what mean pair of ego is negative, who this meeting discontinuity sees him clear is by sure source (the object that evaluates to oneself) . So, he is in the “ flattery ” that grants whatever is requested to others, feel the value of the existence of ego and existence adequately. Because “ flattery ” is,be cost in order to depress ego, he can feel gradually necessarily is living for others, can generate the will that rejects others gradually, but he desire refus cannot. Because of his heart puny with insecurity, make he bears feebly “ in case be rejected the fear after the event of ” , his subconscious “ pleases ” desire, it is good to make he returns what do not wish to lose another person to be mixed reputably feeling, only “ flattery ” can feel he is good person, the angst in also realizing “ to please ” ability to absolve his socialization only. Of course his psychological reality is, or considered self-respect (face) subdued inner freedom, or considered inner freedom and hurt reputation (self-respect) contradictory conflict. But usually, he auxes would rather bear disgrace heart and do not wish to lose outer part. See those people that have feast know what kind of “ face ” is fierce: Original deeply wine force, but support outer part to be in the friend he is OK “ hurts the body rather not pained ” , can feat goes to lofty sentiments pickled, even liver cirrhosis, liver is necrotic. It is difficult that wine culture of China explains with respect to enough “ of human society go-between rejects ” person.
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